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Colbert’s ‘Papal Speculatron 7500′ Gives Cardinal Timothy Dolan The ‘Colbert Bump’

Stephen Colbert
reacted to the news that Pope Benedict XVI will be voluntarily resigning with utter shock Monday night. “God has a way of telling Popes when to retire,” Colbert said. “It’s called death.”

Since this hasn’t happened is 717 years, Colbert didn’t even know what the ritual for something like this is. “I know when the cardinals are voting, “no Pope is black smoke, a new pope is white smoke. I assume slacker Pope is bong smoke.”

Colbert also went after Chris Matthews for trying to turn the search for a new Pope into an political “horse race.” “The heir of St. Peter, the viar of Christ, the rock on whom Jesus built his church. Yeah, basically the same as the Iowa straw polls.

To prove his point, Colbert turned to the “Papal Speculatron 7500″ to help predict the successor. After rejecting the idea of having a Pope for Italy, Canada or Ghana, Colbert threw his weight behind his personal “BFF” or “Bishop Friend Forever” Cardinal Timothy Dolan. “It’s high time we had an American Pope,” Colbert said before officially giving Dolan the “Colbert Bump.”

Watch video below, via Comedy Central:

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